Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Weight Loss Wait

This week on Facebook a friend of mine passed on some words of wisdom from her sister. It's the funnies thing I've heard all week and it has really got me thinking... She said, "I'm not addicted... I just need it to cope."

Seriously sister, amen and amen.

This week my lovely little Jenna in all her sweetness came up to me and said, "Mommy, is there a baby in your tummy?"

"Uh, no Jenna, that is just fat..." - followed by me changing clothes...

I am training for a race in October. Steve's work is doing the Las Vegas Ragnar and the original six employees (they are now up to 12 employees - yeah! but that is another post for another time) and their wives are running it together. For those of you who don't know, the Ragnar is a relay race and there are two vans of six people each and between the 12 of you, you run a total of around 200 miles. My part of the race is three legs of about 5 miles each leg. Originally my part was a 3 mile a 5 mile and an 8 mile run, but for some reason it was changed. So, long story short, I have been exercising. With school starting I have been getting up at 6 every morning and doing my 3 miles and then once a week doing 5 miles. The exercising is there. However, I still have this baby of fat in my belly.

So what's the problem? The problem is food. And I am convinced that my food problems are not really food problems, but emotional problems. I'm worried about Spencer. He's started this new school this year in a hope to get away from all of the problems we've had in the past associated with school (another post another time) and I worry THE ENTIRE TIME he is gone. I worry about whether he is making friends, whether he is happy at the school, did I make the right decision to move him - which deep down I KNOW I did, but I still question and doubt myself anyway, and I worry about him making good choices. Then there's Jayden, do I do the preschool thing or not, he still occassionally has accidents and 90% of them are when he's at someone else's house (probably another post another time too).Then I worry about Piano I want to scale back, but I have so many students, plus people who I teach one kid and the parents want to start siblings too, then there's the whole payment issue, this year, I've changed it and I'm worrying if it is going to work or people are going to be OK with it and on and on. Do you get my drift? I've got a lot going on in this little brain of mine that seems to only be getting littler as I age.

And when I worry, I eat...

And eat...

And eat...

...

And yes, I realize that I am not really all that fat. I do only have 10 pounds that I need to lose, I know boo hoo. Yes, I realize that I have been blessed with a really good metabolism, I shouldn't complain... But I also have this nagging little voice in the back of my mind that tells me, the unhealthy eating is what will kill me in the end. And really, who wants to die in a way that they could have totally prevented?

So I am at a crossroads, I eat because I worry and I can't lose the last 10 until I stop. So the question is, how? When you figure it out, let me know... just sayin'.

2 comments:

Lhone said...

i KNNOW!!!! on biggest loser they always dive into people's personal issues to get rid of emotional eating. that would be something i should do. But, I like you eat when I am nervous. So, i stew over my stresses, and then realize i am eating, which means i'm getting fatter, so i start eating more because "what's the difference, I'm already fat, and if i need to lose 20 pounds, why not 21?" But, this week I plan to nix all the junk. are you with me?

Motherboard said...

You are beautiful just the way you are.

Just sayin'